


stay alive (that would be enough)

by queensmooting



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Manga Spoilers, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 15:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5671039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queensmooting/pseuds/queensmooting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi doesn't want Erwin to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stay alive (that would be enough)

**Author's Note:**

> i need to stop listening to hamilton
> 
> naomimisoras.tumblr.com

“At least I’ll get to say I told you so,” Levi says as they stumble through the forest, the mountain rising to meet their feet in jagged edges that don’t always catch the lamplight.

“Hm?” Erwin says, distracted. Hange’s latest report is inches away from his face, and Levi grabs Erwin’s cloak to tug him along before his head collides with a branch.

“When you die,” Levi says.

Erwin lowers the paper, just a little, to look at Levi. Erwin’s eyes are searching his with an analytical focus that reminds Levi there is no one left in the world who knows him like this.

Levi is trying to keep things light, and with no one else close by this makes him feel too raw, too exposed. He realizes he’s still holding onto Erwin’s cloak and lets go, his fingers curling in the empty air, suddenly cold.

“Hell knows I won’t get anything else out of it,” Levi says, looking away and aiming a kick at a stone in his path. “When Hange takes over they’ll probably cut my pay as payback for the baths.”

Erwin laughs, a flutter of breath out his nose. When he looks back at the report Levi sneaks a glance at him out of the corner of his eye. Erwin is still smiling. For a heartbeat it feels like a victory in itself.

“Maybe I’ll manage,” Erwin says. “I’ve always liked surprising you, Levi.”

Levi files away the way Erwin says his name when they’re alone together. Just in case.

The sun is rising bloodshot when they see Shiganshina, and something shifts in Erwin’s gaze. Levi sees it, knows something is off, and he worries for all of them. They’ve brought so many lives with them, younger and more whole than either Levi or Erwin have ever been.

“Hey,” Levi says. Erwin doesn’t turn, but Levi continues. “You’ve led us this far. We’re with you, get it?”

Erwin nods slowly, only once. His eyes are distant, as if he can already see the basement, and Levi can’t reach him there.

Levi feels tired, and softer than usual. He wants to reach out, touch Erwin’s arm or grip his hand in some gesture of reassurance. It wouldn’t change the stakes, wouldn’t change Erwin’s mind, and in any case there are eyes on them now.

Levi sets his jaw, turns away, and readies his blades.

He should have tried harder. Erwin can hold his own in battle even without an arm, but Levi knows his mind is too distracted for this. Something is eating away at Erwin, fraying his edges, and Levi should have drawn it out of him. They should not be here, not on the precipice of a fight they can’t turn back from, not yet. He should’ve just broken his damn legs, then Erwin could have stayed home, to recuperate, warm and alive.

(He wouldn’t have, not really, not ever. But he should have.)

He should have told him what he felt, no matter how embarrassing it would be, no matter how many years it’s been since he said it, the words last spoken in the tremble of a child afraid to lose his mother. But Levi is sure this, too, wouldn’t move Erwin to change his mind. He wonders if anything could.

 _Stay alive_ , Levi thinks instead, loud even in his head, and it has to be enough.

He doesn’t want to have to say _I told you so_.


End file.
